November 2011
0 posts
I have no idea why but I suddenly feel like crying.
Oh god, november is here.
August 2011
1 post
I miss writing.
Oh god. 7 more hours of classes to go. I want to pull my eyeballs out of their sockets and let them laze around in a swimming pool. I also want to go for a massage, because the last few days has been a long unending blur of unpacking, and cleaning, and fixing CHAIRS.
I FIXED CHAIRS, BITCHES.
And not lego chairs, or even Ikea chairs. I have been dismantling, painting, varnishing,...
July 2011
1 post
At this very moment, I really really really loathe my housemates. I am so frustrated and angry that my friends would do this to me. But I really hate them.
June 2011
1 post
I don’t understand why you would treat your in-laws better than you treat your own blood.
It sounds so primitive to prioritize blood relations. I know family is more than originating from the same lineage, there are people I call family whom I’m not related to. There are wonderful adoptive parents, and abusive biological ones. Those that are deserving, and those who are not. Your...
May 2011
1 post
There was a moment in the midst of rushing out one of my essays last week that I want to pen down. It happened while I was sitting at the dining room table with my pile of books. Chong was to my left, Darren to my right. We were all rushing our various assignments, and it had been a crazy night of reading about Mao and his policies, or angry Arabs and their goal of destroying Israel. I can’t...
April 2011
1 post
How is it that you can come back and suddenly it’s as if nothing changed, and suddenly you run a hurricane in my heart, and then as sudden as you came, you leave. And once again I’m left. Left behind, left confused, left wishing for things I really shouldn’t wish for and probably wouldn’t come true.
Now I’m left with having to start over again. I need to learn to...
November 2010
1 post
I’ve always been protective over the people I’m close to. The idea of someone hurting them infuriates me so much. When I was younger, I always felt the need for vengeance. Those morons - the cheaters, the liars, the damaging ones - needed to know what kind of pain they had inflicted. I’d write angry posts to show them what I really think of them, dream up some elaborate scheme...
October 2010
2 posts
I’d rather have him in my life in any form, than nothing at all.
For all our complaints about the lack of political freedom, it’s safe to say that all of us are grateful for all the Lees have done into making Singapore what it is today, and deeply saddened by the passing of Mrs Lee Kuan Yew. My heart goes out to MM and PM Lee, not as our leaders but as the man who lost his partner and the one who lost his mom.
Rest in peace, Mrs Lee.
September 2010
2 posts
Smile
We were in the middle of a fight when he said, “Some days you make me smile so much my mouth hurts, other days I just want to drive a nail in my head,” in frustration.
I don’t know what it was exactly, maybe the fact that it wasn’t an intentional compliment, that melted my anger and made me smile on the inside.
It’s so completely lovely to know that the person...
Shit.
I think November’s coming.
August 2010
1 post
I don’t know which I hate more, the waiting for a text that takes forever to come or the fact that it seems impossible for me to convey how much I want something accurately.
July 2010
3 posts
Reason #9286491
We were lying in bed together earlier today, just lazing and trying to get comfy on my new small mattress. It’s felt like such a long week (even though it’s only Wednesday), what with school starting and me moving to a new place and all. He’s been an angel, helping me with the carrying and the ferrying of stuff and the assembling of furniture.
So there I was, lying on his chest...
Food and love
It’s only since I moved to Australia that I placed such a great importance on food. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved to eat. But over here, there’s almost been a.. religious obsession over finding a place with good (Singaporean) food that I never had before. I guess it’s like the Counting Crows song - you don’t know a good thing till it’s gone.
So...
Home = where heart is = ???
It’s only when I left Melbourne and spent a day in Sydney that I finally realized that Melbourne has become a sort of home to me.
I don’t know when it happened, why it happened, but I realized it in the small things. It was probably my flashes of annoyance when I heard people say mildly unpleasant things about the city. Or the fact that I think of the city with such fondness when...
May 2010
2 posts
More than words
Someone who uses words like belligerent and disingenuous in every day conversation scores so many points in my book <3 <3 <3
mother, inc?????
I was talking to a new friend last weekend about life and love and lol, weirdly enough, about having kids. Not exactly surprising since he’s going to be a father soon. I don’t keep my apprehension about having children a secret - most people know that I think the cost of having a baby, both literally and metaphorically, is too great to bear.
For some strange reason, we ended up...
March 2010
1 post
“When I was… I was nine and I asked my dad, “Can I have your movie...”
– Oscar Thank You Speech by UP’s music score genius Michael Giacchino
February 2010
3 posts
Reminders on how NOT to live.
说了又不听，听了又不懂，不懂又不问，问了又不做，做了又做错，错了又不认，认了又不改，改了又不服，不服又不说
I miss him more than I should, more than is right, more than he misses me.
Oh what I’d give to hold that hand again.
The year I leave Singapore is the year a ton of awesome music acts decide to come.
Now there’s Jamie Cullum to add to that list, ARGH.
January 2010
3 posts
What you don't have, you don't need it now
I think for most of us, we remember our lives by music. The song that was playing (in your head or otherwise) while something happened.
I’m here at work, listening to stuff from my phone and U2’s Beautiful Day is playing.
All I remember is the first time I woke up beside him. He was getting ready to go to work, and he played this on his stereo system as he got ready. There was...
emogirl89 speaks..
Words are so powerful because just one sentence can reduce all my efforts in moving on to naught.
He just told me I’m the most important girl in his life, and somehow that kills me more than it helps.
I really hate this.
I think part of the reason I’m in love with him is because the time between us is so… finite. It’s still because of him, of course. Who he is, what he is like, how he really gets me, etc. And yes, I know that all relationships are finite blahblahblah, but it’s somehow more real when there’s a fixed date to when he’s leaving. There’s a fixed amount of how...
December 2009
4 posts
The word MOVE looks weird to me now.
I have moved am in the dreadful process of moving to a new place, one that I have no excitement for, one that is not home, one that will not get the chance to be home, one that holds no memories of the people I love.
I never knew it could be so draining. Packing your life into boxes, leaving a place you love, moving on.. All of it is so very tiring.
Change, changing, changed.
A couple days ago I was standing outside a theatre in Cineleisure having one of the worst conversations I’ve ever had. The talk had gone sour faster than you can say “Climate Change Conference”. When I finally sat down, I opened my bag to discover that the drink I’d smuggled into the theatre had spilled (karma for all the times I snuck food into the theatre). All over my...
“I can believe things that are true and things that aren’t true and I can...”
– American Gods, Neil Gaiman
He told me he loved me
And that is the source of both my comfort and my misery.
Maybe I should pack up like Sany says and head to Brazil, hahahahahahahahahaha.
November 2009
7 posts
Truett, my nephew, spent the day at my place having lots of fun with my mom and I. He’s a wonderful boy who loves helping wherever he can, speaking his mind (this is pure assumption because he can’t communicate with us yet), showing everybody a lot of affection. Well okay not exactly everybody, but the people he loves know it. Like his younger sister, who immediately stops crying when...
Happy Birthday, Daddy
“One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for...”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
SOMETHING SCARY DAILY
I KILLED A HUGE LIZARD TODAY. IT WAS MASSIVE. MY MOM FOUND IT (AND SHE’S MORE SCARED THAN ME, WHICH IS A LOT) AND BEGGED ME TO KILL & DISPOSE OF IT.
WHICH I ACTUALLY DID. BY MYSELF. OMGOMGOMGOMG.
Something Scary Daily
I finally had a talk with my boss about my growing dissatisfaction with work. I don’t know what it is about him (or the office environment??) that makes me literally freeze inside. I’m not *assertive*, I can actually stare at a one sentence email wondering if I don’t sound right. It doesn’t help that he is so incredibly busy all the time that it makes me wobble inside and...
Something Scary Daily
I was thinking of recording it down daily as a sort of series, because I am genuinely keen on trying to do something that’s new or that scares me every day. It also serves as a completely wonderful distraction.
Yesterday: I watched The Shining with two really good friends. Okay fine, I didn’t manage to finish the entire show, but I think my willingness to catch a horror movie in the...
October 2009
11 posts
Everyday, do something that scares you
Today, my best friend and I walked around a shopping mall with mustaches on. The mustache set we found was an impulse buy (in preparation for Halloween), and out of pure boredom, I suggested we get used to having fake hair above our lips. So we trooped to the toilet and tried on our ‘stache, laughed at how retarded we looked, had fake hair in our noses, and walked to a nearby cafe hand in...
Oh dear god
This hurts. Breathe in, breathe out, don’t cry and look crazy. This loss is not new (so why on earth does it hurt this much??!?!!) and you’ve lived through this before. Distract yourself quick. People watch. Read. Do something. For god’s sake don’t cry that would be just retarded. But wow the pain.
This is not fun. This is not fun at all. :/
And so it begins
I don’t know about you, but for me it’s never the *big* things. The deaths, the break ups, the subsequent anniversaries (or lack thereof), I think I handle those pretty well. It’s always the small seemingly insignificant things that hit the hardest and leave me completely winded. It’s the lead up to *THAT DAY* that slowly kills me – the anticipation, the sick worry and fear that it’s going to be...
When work gets blah, I get girly →
Love love love his socks. :)
“Whenever you are, we’re already then”
- The Echo Park Time Travel...”
– One of the 826 store logos courtesy of the amazingly witty, insanely funny, completely brilliant Dave Eggers.
Hold a hand for cover from harm
every part of me misses every part of him
“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly...”
– Anaïs Nin
This is for Siew
I’m sitting at the hotel/hostel lobby in Berlin, looking like a crazy asian in FBTs and a t-shirt (it’s about 7 degrees now). I’ve been awake since 4 am (thank you, jet lag) and the excitement I felt 2 hours ago about being in this cool cool city has significantly subsided. I just reread Siew’s email about her talk with Foo and I feel genuinely happy for her that she...
September 2009
4 posts
L'esprit De L'escalier →
bestofwikipedia:
L’esprit de l’escalier or esprit d’escalier (stairway wit) is thinking of a clever comeback when it is too late. The phrase can be used to describe a riposte to an insult or any witty remark that comes to mind too late to be useful—when one is on the “staircase” leaving the scene of the encounter. The phenomenon is usually accompanied by a feeling of regret at not having thought...